My apparent wandering on Gor hasn’t been of my own design and has caused me to even doubt myself but to not learn from it would be most neglectful. Being accepted and trained as a Scribe has been a source of pride and has benefitted me well. A glance at my house beside the river, the bosk vulos outside and alluring bells of my slave as she tends to them attest to that truth. Even my recent companionship would likely had not happened without the good fortunes of my Caste. And yet, my education has created more questions for me than answers.

A man clings to his Home Stone with great vigor and gives his all to it and yet sometimes it is not enough. Cities fall and with them, they take a piece of you. For better or worse, some men find a new home and hardly miss a step while others struggle…searching. I have been in the latter group since the fall of Midas. The subsequent questioning and searching I’ve done since then has only created larger questions. I look in the mirror..and at my son…and I see how others look at me and I doubt even what I once knew to be true about my own past. Perhaps my childhood memories were but dreams or even fantasies.

Whatever the truth may be, this hiatus in my own duties while my companion is away on her own endeavors has given me the needed time to pour through the pile of scrolls left to me…though I do of course wonder how she is as I’ve not heard from her in over a month.

I was on Gor…for whatever reason, I had been brought here..a barbarian and yet with early acceptance of my fate and curiosity about this culture, I had somehow managed to acquire a position as an apprentice scribe. Yet my eagerness to learn didn’t always keep me educated enough to keep from raising eyebrows…or perhaps it was just my perception of the reactions to me. The blacksmith was no different. I had asked him to make an exquisite collar for me to be picked up in short order and then to remove the collar from bella when I brought her back later. He looked at me a bit oddly then, looking at my outfit, adorned in blue to denote my caste as a scribe, he shrugged his shoulders as if to acknowledge he would do whatever I asked, as long as he was compensated.

Entering the blacksmiths’ shop, I found him waiting for me with a smile of pride on his lips. He had done quite well with the task I had given him. The collar was actually quite attractive…compared to what most girls were wearing. I had sold a few items for this occasion. Of course, they were things I couldn’t take with me either so it worked out well. If the collar came to no use, I might lose a bit in reselling it but it was a risk worth taking. Smiling, I slapped the blacksmith on his shoulder and held the collar up in the light coming through the window. He beamed at his work and I paid him the agreed upon price and assured him I”d be back later to complete my request and pay him the rest. He laughed and I slipped the collar inside my vest, the warm metal cooling slowly on the skin of my chest.

On the way home, I stopped at the tailor’s shop and picked up the long, concealing dresses I had convinced the slaver to sell me. They were excess to him, taken from free women who had become slaves..but I had intended to spend equally on a collar and clothes of a free woman…but a collar can last a long time. More than one out fit was needed. The outfits had been cleaned and a couple had been shortened so as to not drag on the ground when on Bella.

It was mid afternoon when I made it back to the small apartment I called home. Bella was there, smiling as she always was when I would see her. Everything was in it’s place as was putting the last linens away. She ran to me and kneeled in front of me.

“Greetings Master”

I reached down to put my hand under her chin and turn her eyes to me. “Greetings Bella. Finish what you are doing. We’re going for a walk before it gets dark.”

Bella smiled and quickly got up to run across the room to put away the last towels that she had washed. “Yes Master. Has Master had a good day?” she asked.

I smiled at her, admiring the curves of her beautiful body as she looked over her shoulder to me. “Yes, Bella. It was a great day. Move along, the sun will be down soon.” It was still hours away before the sun would set but I was anxious to offer Bella her freedom. I was no longer sure how she would take it but it had been bothering me for weeks and I needed to put it behind me.

Twenty ahn later and we were in front of the blacksmith’s shop. Bella had been smiling and taking in all of the sights as she followed me down the street. I often felt bad that she was constrained to the apartment for the last few weeks but it had been unavoidable. Now, several factors were coming together to bring this moment. As we entered, the blacksmith’s shop, Bella looked inquisitive but not excited…as a child that was being taken to a new place but more interested in what is going on outside. The blacksmith was was putting things away as we entered the room. He looked at me, smiling as he put some tools back into a large chest and pulled out others. Bella dropped to her knees behind me.

“So, this is the lucky slut you spoke of?”

I chuckled. The manner in which Goreans referred to the slave girls still caught me at odds at times..but this was my lot and I needed to accept it. “Aye, she is.” I turned to look at Bella.

“Bella, do as the man tells you to.” I ordered.

“Yes Master.”

Bella looked uncomfortable but followed the Blacksmith to the corner of the room where he instructed her to lay her neck on an anvil. She looked at me in fear and I fought back the temptation to tell her that she was being freed. I wasn’t ready yet. With one skilled swing of his hammer, the blacksmith had shattered the lock that bound Bella. Bella stood and looked at me then at the collar laying flat on the bench. Her eyes came back to meet mine as her hands ran up and down her neck.

“You are a free woman, Bella.”

Her lips began to smile and then trembled as a tear ran down her cheek. I felt for certain that despite my not wanting to let her go, she, like everybody I had known my entire life before being dropped on this planet, would be happy. I saw joy in her eyes..and fought the tears in mine.

“What is with the girl, Sir Charron?. Has she papers?”

I had considered this moment for most of the walk back and therefore had been somewhat thankful for the silence of the girl on my back. I knew we would arrive too late to bother the physician with a slave as all slaves new to the city were to receive physical exams to keep the rest of the population safe. I explained to him that after she had hurt her ankle, her Master, a fellow Scribe from Argentum could not be slowed down by her fall and subsequent sprained ankle. That he valued her very much and would pay a large sum for my trouble upon his return. I could only hope he would believe me. The captain walked around the girl again and lifted the back of her skirt as if this were an auction.

“And what if he doesn’t return, Aedan”.

“Then sir, I think she’d fetch enough at the auction to make it worth my trouble…and yours”.

“Aye” he smiled broadly “keep her off the street. The physician is away and the kennel is already full…we needn’t take a chance of infecting the others with what ever uncleanliness she may be carrying”.

He grinned and motioned that I proceed. Without hesitating, I ordered Be11a to get back up onto my back but was immediately stopped by the captain. “This girl is not special, she will walk.” I grabbed my bag and wished the captain well. Be11a followed me through the gate walking gently but walking none the less as the captain chuckled.

It wasn’t very far to walk and Be11a seemed to have come back to life, still walking gingerly but hardly showing any pain at all as she took in all the sites, peering in through the windows of the tavern and other shops along the way…but always staying within an arms reach and slightly behind me. When we arrived at my quarters and I managed to light some lamps, back on her knees, she seemed to be taking inventory of everything in the room.

“Do you have a bath, master?”

I laughed at the question. Here I was starving and she was worried about making herself beautiful. Not so unlike many earth girls I found myself thinking. I pointed at the large buckets around the corner from the fireplace. She didn’t look impressed but then seemed to smile as though she had been given a new challenge.

Reminding her that she would sure be picked up and thrown into the kennels if she left I left to find something for us to eat besides the dried bread that was left on the counter. When I returned, Be11a had just finished bathing herself. I hesitated at the door to watch her before walking in. Her wet skin glistened under the spell of the flames as she slowly dried herself off. Her nipples stood erect as the towel brushed across her breasts. As I walked in, as quickly as her ankle would let her, she dropped her towel, kneeled with her knees apart, breasts pushed out and her palms up. Looking down she said simply, “I hope I please you master.”

My body was certainly pleased. My mind was tired and overwhelmed. As I stared at her in the flickering light wearing nothing more than her collar, I realized the only clothes she had was a tattered skirt and it was ripped and dirty. I tossed her another towel to wrap herself in while promising to get her more clothes in the morning. Be11a offered to prepare dinner with the items I brought back but as it would take little effort, I took care of that myself much to her disappointment. After eating, I removed my clothes of two days and began washing myself up. Her face lit up as she watched me undress, but my refusal to let her bathe me nearly brought tears to her eyes. I was well aware of the fire that burns within a pleasure slave and perhaps on another day, might have given in with my own desire but not tonight. Finally permitting her to wash my back was the only way I could get her to smile again..and her smile made me feel good. That night, both exhausted, we slept beside each other.

Several days passed with no sign of her master. We grew closer and I began feeling more comfortable permitting her to serve me as she desired…food, drinks, clothes..bathing. Bathing became more of a sensual tease each time and she pushed the envelope further each time. This is when she really seemed most alive and was pulling at me so hard to give into her…both of us soaking wet as she would clean the day’s dirt away and then rub me down in oil. Her body was full awake, I knew full well that her breasts against my back or in my face were not accidental. The light touch of her hands ignited me and she would only smile bigger to see my arousal.

The concern of her master returning was beginning to fade from my mind. I was also growing concerned that Be11a was becoming restless. I often observed her staring out the windows and looking lost. Often she wouldn’t hear me walk into the room but when she did, her face would light up and she would drop to her knees to serve me. Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I tried but could hear her crying at the other end of the room where I had moved her to so that I might not be tempted to take her more than I was already. I anguished throughout the night, tossing and turning. Several times, Be11s would ask if I needed anything. What I needed was to clear my head and she was the source of the fog in my brain. I couldn’t keep her under these conditions much longer. The captain of the guard had been asking about her and threatening to turn her over to the city….or take her for himself…and the days I spent without her in the Scribery, I found myself looking forward to returning to her, worried that she had taken off.

At least twice, she had all but begged for me to take her and collar her despite the fact that she still wore one. This morning, I met with the blacksmith to arrange for hers to be removed and a new one to be made. He reluctantly agreed to remove the old one with a bit of extra incentive.

The distant pounding of metal on metal reminded me that the collar had been ready for some 20 minutes now…waiting for me. I tossed the core of the fruit I was eating into the bushes behind me and stood. Finally, I was ready too.

My head reeled with the rush of sensation as I came to and sat up quickly, looking around in wonder. The sound of voices speaking in a tongue I did not know assailed me. Taking deep breathes to stave off a return to unconsciousness, my nose twitched at the unfamiliar, spicy scent of the air. Attempting to raise myself from my position on the cold stone floor, I felt the unfamiliar weight of the heavy chain around my neck.

(more…)

My efforts to learn more of how or why she was here all failed. I sat beside her and we managed some small talk about our immediate surroundings but any inquiry about her past or her Master was met with misty eyes or a trembling voice repeating her desire and expectation that he would return for her. At some point, I gave up trying to get her to talk and sat in silence listening to the sounds of the night, owls hunting their prey, nestling of some small creature in the brush and the barely audible roar of distant larls.  The latter kept me from sleeping more than a few moments at a time though Be11a seemed to have little problem sleeping as I listened to her breathing become more relaxed.

Late into the evening, the moons of Gor appeared one by one above the trees. The girl’s face seemed to radiate in this light. Her full lips sparkled in the moonlight and her lashes appeared even longer now. She was truly a beautiful woman. I guessed that she would not last long in Iaomai if I took her back with me. She would likely be sold immediately if I handed her over to the city. However, I reasoned that would be better than leaving her to fend for herself out here in the wilderness. She slept soundly most of the night except for the occasions when her breathing got deeper I would touch her cheek to wake her just enough to stop her. A snoring slave would certainly attract attention of anybody else out here.

At first light, I shook the girl to wake her up. She rolled over slowly, wiping the sleep from her eyes and then let out a yell as she moved her leg. She pulled her leg out from beneath the fur to display a now very swollen ankle. This was not going to be a pleasant walk back to Iaomai.  I fetched some sticks, cut them to length and with some cloth in my pack, crafted a make-shift splint. She was able to take some slow, labored steps but at that rate, we’d need several days to get back to Iaomai.  We didn’t have that.  We had no food and little water…and I knew we were lucky to have made it through the night.

Despite the pain in her ankle, Be11a seemed to be in good spirits until I told her my plans…to take her back to Iaomai even if I had to carry her. She insisted that her Master would return. She repeated this over and over as the tears streamed down her cheeks.  After some time, I couldn’t bare to listen to her anymore and ordered her to be quiet. “I am going back to the city today, with or without you. You can stay here and die waiting for your master if that is your wish. I don’t care.”  That wasn’t completely true, something in me did care I know but this had to be her decision.  She glared at me but didn’t say a word as I searched my bag for something that I might leave behind to let her master know where to find her if he should ever return. I pulled out an old cup that had been a gift when I first came to the city, it bore the coat of arms of Iaomai.

This had taken all of five minutes in which Be11a never said a word but just sat there wiping tears from her eyes. “What have you decided?” I asked her. “I will do as the master pleases.” she answered as though surrendering. “I will follow you.”  Relieved, I took the knife from my side and walked towards her. The girls eyes lit up in panic before I could think to tell her that I needed a piece of her garment to leave behind. Before I could say a word, her eyes lowered to the ground in submission. “Do to me what you will, master”.  I raised her head so that I could see her eyes again and explained to her that I need to cut a piece of her garment to tie to the cup and leave behind for her master to find. Relieved, she pulled one streamer from her skirt out and I cut it off.

As she struggled to get to her feet, I tied the lavender cloth to the handle of my cup and set it on a stone to be seen by anybody. Turning around to see the girl take three labored steps towards me, nearly falling down on the last, I took the bag off of my bag and set it down. “Get on my back.” She started to protest but before she could complete a word…”Now!” I ordered. Seemingly surprised, she looked straight into my eyes and softly said “Yes Master”.  As quickly as her swollen ankle would let her, she crawled onto my back, her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms around my neck. I handed the bag to her to hold then headed back to the road and turned left for Iaomai.   In my ear, Be11a was giggling.

In the distance, the constant “Clang clang” of the blacksmith at work had ended. It’s pounding rhythm had nearly put me to sleep but now I was wide awake again. I heard somebody calling my name and looked up to see the blacksmith waving at me. “Your collar is ready, Sir”

It was much cooler that day when I decided to take a long trek along the road that leads to Argentum. Surprisingly, there had been little traffic as I lazily  scanned the sky for hungry fleers while listening to the songs of the Veminiums in the trees. Occasionally I would hear rustling in the brush ad would stop but could seldom identify what creature might have been running to hide from me.  Now and then, the noises from the brush would be loud enough that my hand would feel for the knife strapped to my waist and cause me to wonder if I should have brought something bigger with me, but after several hours the sun had peaked and I was considering that I should head back towards the city.

To my right some distance from the road, I again heard leaves rubbing against each other slightly behind me. Looking over my right shoulder, I saw the yellow bush shed a couple leaves and heard the snapping of a small twig. Relieved that whatever might be there was traveling away from me, I mused at fear that some animals had of people and wondered if it had always been this way..an inbred instinct from day one or if it was learned by survival. As I again looked at the falling sun and considered my own survival, I turned to start the hike back to Iaomai and then heard a thud and a whimper of pain followed by the snapping of more twigs.  This cry was human. Suddenly I was very aware that I was not alone and scampered to a nearby tree…peering around the corner and listening more intently.

Standing there for what seemed an eternity, knife in hand…and feeling very under-armed, I waited for somebody to appear but only heard the faint whimper of what must be a child or woman…nothing else. “Show yourself” I barked…but nothing happened. Carefully stepping out from behind the tree that had protected me, I walked slowly towards the spot I had last heard the sobbing coming from. Through the thick yellow leaves of the Tor tree, the splash of lavender looked quite out of place and I stopped. “Come out now before I drag you out” I ordered…looking at the shrinking knife in my hand and hoping that my threat would be sufficient.  It was.

“Don’t hurt me, Master” came the almost sobbing request as the lavender splotch crawled out from behind the low growing tree. Tears ran down the girl’s cheek and I saw her grimace in pain with each advance as she crawled nearer to me and kneeled in front of me in submissive nadu pose. Though I had been uncomfortable with the use of slaves when I found myself in this harsh reality that is Gor, I had learned to deal with my ‘issues’ to work within the society that I had found myself. I knew from her position and the fine linens she wore, that this girl was no camp or field slave and would not be here alone.  “Where is your Master” I asked. She hesitated briefly. “He said he would be back soon and that I was to stay hidden until he returned. I have failed him.”

“What is your name, girl?” I asked..noticing the scratches on her bare breast and right knee. Seeming somewhat more at ease, she shifted her weight to her left side. “I am sometimes called Be11a, Master”.  I turned away from her and took a few steps…”Come here, Be11a”. I looked back over my shoulder to see her stand slowly and that she struggled to walk on her right foot. Her ankle was swollen. Grimacing with each step, she again kneeled in front of me. “My Master will return soon.” she said as if comforting herself.

I considered my options. This girl would be lucky to survive the night if left here in this condition and her master didn’t return for some reason…but she could not possibly walk back to Iaomai on that ankle either and besides, she would  likely not go with me easily without her master, anyway. As small as she was, my preference was to not carry her back. By now, the sun was falling and the evening chill was starting to move in. Looking at the bare chest and legs of the girl before me, I dropped the pack on my back and pulled out the fur I had brought along in case I had to spend the night out  and tossed it to her. “Put that over your shoulders. I’ll wait for your Master to return for you.”

The girl looked up to catch the fur and quickly wrapped it about her shoulders and then looked at me “Thank you, Master”.  That was the first time I saw her eyes.

A stone throw away, the hustle and bustle of the market place filled the background noise in my head. Merchants haggled with propestive buyers over prices..sometimes raising their voices but nearly always ending their conversations with a handshake and the exchange of merchandise for coins. Even the occasional giggle of a city kajira or the barking of orders directed to another hardly registered in my mind as I sat alone in the shade thinking about how this day had come about.

The day I woke as if in a dream seemed like years ago but in fact it had been less than a year. I found myself laying beneath a tree quite similar to this but that time, the only background noises were the those of the Hermit pounding searching the trunk of tree looking for it’s next meal and the songs of Veminium surrounding me as the flies crossed my cheek. For days I wandered through the trees only to find out later how fortunate I had been to have not come across a hungry larl as they are quite abundant here.

Here..here where I have called home since stumbling across the walls of this city. As foreign as the city appeared to me on that first day, it seemed to welcome this stranger with few exceptions. Oh, I remember there were a few tense moments as when I kneeled beneath a window, peering inside as one of the many young women owned by the city was being transferred to a well dressed man of red caste after paying an elaborate amount.

It was a ceremony to be witnessed by invitation only and I had not been invited. Somehow, I was able to convince the magistrate that my ignorance and curiosity had gotten the best of me. Not knowing what to do with me, I was directed to assist the city’s scribes in whatever way they deemed suitable while I learned the customs and history of this place that, with every passing day, felt more and more like home to me.

The Chief Scribe was not thrilled about taking on another ‘apprentice’ as so many found they were not suited for the tasks required and would not put forth the effort needed.  Some just disappeared without notice. I was the strange one who knew so little and yet was anxious to learn. Over months, I would be assigned to a scribe who would give me small tasks but they always held me at arms length. Access to the multitudes of history and philosophical books of Gor enticed me to learn more…but that never gained me favor in their eyes. Lacking any real social interaction with more than a few close friends, I had begun to travel outside the city in search of answers…where was I, why was I…and could I ever get back to where I came from.

It was on one of these solo journeys, merely a week ago,  that I came across Be11a. I had been warned about staying outside the city gates overnight..that I might not return but as I struggled to find meaning and acceptance in this new life, my wanderings took me further away. I had imagined all sorts of things that might happen and tried to be mentally prepared to deal with them but had never really considered the direction my life would take after her.